This is not a suicide note.

I have always been fascinated by death. In every form, in every way. I love Thanatos.

When I lost someone I dearly love, I was down. I still am. Really, really down. But one thing I learned about losing someone is that, someday, someone else is going to lose us too.

I am not afraid of dying. But the idea of having to die in the hands of anyone horrifies me. If I'm going to die, I want it by accident, or by a disease, or with my own hands.

If I die by accident, nobody's going to blame themselves for something I had wanted to happen. If I die because of a disease, everyone will expect it and nobody will guess that I had plotted it all along--which is pretty cool. Any other way, I am not going to die in other people's hands.

If I don't die with neither of the two aforementioned, I can see that I will have to take my own life away. 

There's no other way.