In kindergarten, we were asked "what do you want to be when you grow up?"
Most kids say "I want to be a teacher", "I want to be a pilot", "I want to be an engineer".
Of course, being the young, naive, clueless, and well-dictated kid, I declared during my kindergarten graduation that "when I grow up, I want to be a doctor because I want to save lives."
But if given the chance to deliver that again with the mindset that I have today, I would say "I don't want to grow up". Because my dear, growing up is tragedy in the making.
At such a young age who would really know what they actually want to become though?
Maybe at some point, I did dream of becoming a doctor. But after a series of unfortunate events, you can't expect me to pursue that dream. I grew up hating the hospital... or maybe the safer word is "fear". I don't want to be in a hospital for I feared it, because all the bad things in my life happened in the hospital.
I remember how easy it was, back then. When dad would take me to school every morning and I would leave him with kisses. When I managed to commute my way to school because dad couldn't take me anymore, I still leave mom with kisses. My days were full of "God bless yous", "how are yous", "good nights", "take good cares", and kisses and hugs. Every day was tiring but at the end of the day, I can go to sleep and rest well.
Now, I leave for work everyday with no one to kiss, no one to hold, no one to talk to about the things that go on with my life. I have occasional beers and brandy with friends or by myself, thinking it could take the loads down, but no. Instead, the feel of my head gets lighter but my chest gets heavier.
After my graduation, I promised that my life is going to be a Renaissance, that I am going to recreate myself. And for the first six months, I felt like I was the luckiest person alive. I had the time of my life. I felt that I was alive. My days were full of travels, concerts, new friends, and self-discovery. I was able to write a lot because I had something to write about, and of course because I had the time. Today, I barely even have time for myself. I can't properly take care of myself. I feel so messed up, My friend was right when I asked him "Have you also felt it when you're 20? So lost." and he replied, "Wait until you're 21, the worst is yet to come." And here I am, secretly hoping that this is the worst that could happen.
For all the troubles I have right now, something inside me is saying "you've come a long way now, but mygod, you're not even half way yet". I have failed a countless of times, I fell down, but got up. I messed up, but with the grace of God, I managed to regain myself.
My dear little prince, it is indeed hard to be a grown up. I can't even understand myself sometimes. But for what its worth, I am learning.
My bigger dreams are still waiting and I have all the time in the world.
Mom, Dad, it's getting harder...
but I swear, I'm getting stronger.
I will complain, but I will not give up.
Remember? You keep me going.
No more metaphors. This is reality.
xx, gayle
disclaimer: photo not mine.
At such a young age who would really know what they actually want to become though?
Maybe at some point, I did dream of becoming a doctor. But after a series of unfortunate events, you can't expect me to pursue that dream. I grew up hating the hospital... or maybe the safer word is "fear". I don't want to be in a hospital for I feared it, because all the bad things in my life happened in the hospital.
I remember how easy it was, back then. When dad would take me to school every morning and I would leave him with kisses. When I managed to commute my way to school because dad couldn't take me anymore, I still leave mom with kisses. My days were full of "God bless yous", "how are yous", "good nights", "take good cares", and kisses and hugs. Every day was tiring but at the end of the day, I can go to sleep and rest well.
Now, I leave for work everyday with no one to kiss, no one to hold, no one to talk to about the things that go on with my life. I have occasional beers and brandy with friends or by myself, thinking it could take the loads down, but no. Instead, the feel of my head gets lighter but my chest gets heavier.
After my graduation, I promised that my life is going to be a Renaissance, that I am going to recreate myself. And for the first six months, I felt like I was the luckiest person alive. I had the time of my life. I felt that I was alive. My days were full of travels, concerts, new friends, and self-discovery. I was able to write a lot because I had something to write about, and of course because I had the time. Today, I barely even have time for myself. I can't properly take care of myself. I feel so messed up, My friend was right when I asked him "Have you also felt it when you're 20? So lost." and he replied, "Wait until you're 21, the worst is yet to come." And here I am, secretly hoping that this is the worst that could happen.
For all the troubles I have right now, something inside me is saying "you've come a long way now, but mygod, you're not even half way yet". I have failed a countless of times, I fell down, but got up. I messed up, but with the grace of God, I managed to regain myself.
My dear little prince, it is indeed hard to be a grown up. I can't even understand myself sometimes. But for what its worth, I am learning.
My bigger dreams are still waiting and I have all the time in the world.
Mom, Dad, it's getting harder...
but I swear, I'm getting stronger.
I will complain, but I will not give up.
Remember? You keep me going.
No more metaphors. This is reality.
xx, gayle
disclaimer: photo not mine.
brilliant, gayle!
TumugonBurahin