Home is where... ugh, where is home again?

It has been a constant search for my sense of belonging. Sometimes I'm lost, sometimes I find myself lost in the moment. I could not seem to choose between 'home is where your heart is' and 'home is where you are needed'.

Either way, I don't feel any.

For months now, the road has been my home. Not in the sense that it is one of the aforementioned, but because I've been there for quite long. For someone who has motion sickness, that would seem absurd, but guess that's just my paradoxical nature. I have been driving my way with no particular place to go. I wanted to feel the comfort of home but felt like comfort is not for me.

As time passed, I have created different versions of home. When I was young, home was always where I can sleep well. As a kid, my mom and dad were always away because of work so I'd be left in my relatives' houses long as it's close to where I study, so I could only sleep well when I'm in our own house. When I went to college, we had to move, so home became 'wherever my mom is'. It has always been that way. We were always out of town and everywhere feels home when I get to sleep with my mom beside me, even in the most uncomfortable places.

But a mediocre thing happened: adulting. 

I have come to realize that it should not always be like that. Not that I don't depend on mom anymore because I think I will always do, but because reality check: mom is not going to be physically there for me until the end, so I had to build myself another version of home. I did make a lot but ever since, there was never really one that I loved.

I know I am to be blamed for losing my home and it would be a long process for me to build one that I would love, so this one's for now, for someone who has been on the road,

'the road is endless, but there's a path that will surely lead you home.'

xx, gayle