a letter to my 25-year old self.

Today, you are 25.

Six years have passed since I wrote this... 

Look at you! Your goals are now your reality. Just a few more step, and tadaa! Success! You've reached far enough, but never stop walking--the journey continues.

If you think you're not good enough, then do more. You've always thought you are worthless, but look where you are now.

I want you to know that even I feel shitty right now, because I haven’t figured out my life yet, I am really, genuinely hopeful for you. I hope you – my 25-year-old version, no matter what situation you’re in while reading this, I hope you still have the faith, courage, and above all, I hope you still have something to live for. I hope you still believe in yourself and I hope that after all these years, you’ve finally learned to love yourself…even better.

Always remember, the 19-years-old version of you is proud!

 

---

 

a letter from not so long ago.

 hey,

you made it.

congrats?

for going through the reality of life that you can just handle easily if you weren't that dramatic ass of a shit.

rebel,

how's your health? has your drinking habit affected your kidney? have you undergone operations? has your asthma taken its toll on you again? are you still able to donate blood?

how many troubles have you gotten in yourself so far?

how many tattoos have you inked for yourself?

is your hair still fine?

i hope you're still fine. i hope you've matured now, even just a bit.

right now, while writing this. you are both dreaming for a greener pasture or hoping you won't reach this age that you are reading this now. but you did. at some point, if you are not in a situation that you like--i know because you are never contented with everything that you have, you bitch--i hope you have the determination to live a life that you really want. nobody has their life figured out. trust me. those social media posts? they're all filtered, you only see the good things--and i hope that's how you deal with life right now: to only see the good things. never rush. take your time. remember, the world isn't going anywhere... but you are.

may the odds have been in your favor, and if not, may you be even. may your lost days be over, and may you finally be found. god i hope you've found yourself. i hope you stop chasing for happiness; i hope you FINALLY realize your happiness follows you.

-----

some snaps days before i turn 25

wig from shopee

Hi. This is Gayle, writing this days before I turn 25. ah, mid-20s. I wasn't waiting for this. I wasn't expecting this, even.

The past years have been overwhelming. At 20 I was lost in the big city, at 21 I got a stable job, at 22 I got pregnant and married, at 23 I got my master's degree, at 24--I'm struggling to be financially stable. Everything feels like a...ricochet? No, not that bad. I'm not a good person at all, and maybe I deserve my struggles. The timeline I've provided is just an overview of my life in 20s, which has so much more incredible moments that happened. I just have this habit of looking back in life and think how great I was in the past and not appreciating the present I have become. Hmm.

According to Positive Psychology, we always look at the past with sense of certainty that the present can't provide. There is so much to remember, be thankful for and be happy about that are now in the past, that we wish we still could do now. But being the hopeful that I have always been, I'd definitely look at the present as something that would soon pass, be a story to be told that is something certain. I don't feel like it right now, but whatever the future holds, I'd be thankful for what I have now and what I am now. Our past, most importantly, our present are the mosaics of our future.

I am glad that among the things that I've lost in the way--desire; faith; creativity--i still have in me my hopes. Well, I gotta have high hopes to live, and to make for a living.

I have so maaany reasons to live now: my son is first in the list. the second is my second born, which is yet to be conceived. Charot langs.

I've been the worst, and wished it was the worst I could become. Today, I look forward to giving the world the best version of me.

a redhead comforting the sad blondie

Always thankful for this one: My present and my future.